the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
