I hate all girls vehemently.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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