i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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