I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
