Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingđ
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Unless my dick prospects improve this yearâs Halloween costume will include panties with âDTFâ written on them and a push up bra
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