Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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