just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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