Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i barfeds in our rink
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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