this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The beer is more important than you right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
