Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
