i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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