Heybabeimwearingurpanties
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
