people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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