Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
