we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
