tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
