and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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