Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
