Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
