I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
