Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
