I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
