she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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