So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
