Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
