Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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