where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
