Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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