he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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