i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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