so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
