I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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