You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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