Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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