I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
