are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
