God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
