it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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