thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
