We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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