He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Boobs are out for the taking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
