So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
