So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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