White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
where are my eyebrows?
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