Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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