Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
