There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
