Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
