Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
