bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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