Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
