My balls are so social today.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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