What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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