My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
