Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
