I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
