i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
