My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
