if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
