Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
