i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i've created a new STD.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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