if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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